So...the first of many "Happy Birthdays" that I get to say to you without you saying a thank you, without me hearing your laugh, or without me seeing your smile. Instead of me getting you a gift this year, Justin, the kids, and I will make the trip out to the cemetery to spend some time with you. We will take flowers, and those will be your gift this year.
I realize there is a season for everything. This is our season of "the (dreaded) firsts" without you. We've already had one Thanksgiving where your chair was empty (alongside Dad's). There was one less name on our Christmas gift list this past year...instead of a Christmas gift, we bought you flowers. Your call was even missed right after the ball dropped on New Year's to tell us Happy New Year. Now, we celebrate your birthday, but we celebrate it without you being here.
Each day I'm painfully reminded of your no longer being on this Earth. I'm reminded by the silence every single morning, when I should be hearing the phone ringing with you on the other end of the line telling me to have a good day. I've even thought of you being gone a lot this Winter, when you normally would call and tell me to be careful on my way to work and to watch out for black ice on the road. You'd even call to make sure I got home okay at the end of the workday when it was bad weather. Now...now, I have memories.
Perhaps this is one reason why I love pictures so, so very much! They help us to remember the times we can't get back!
This photo was taken the first birthday you celebrated after your lung transplant. Those last few years prior to the transplant, I never thought I'd see the day that you could blow out a candle again, you were so out of breath all of the time prior to your transplant. The Lord blessed us to see it again though, and for that I'm thankful!
I'm thankful for having you as my Mom. Your birthday was supposed to be a day for you to celebrate your life, but you see, everyone who ever knew you in this world needs to be the one to celebrate the day you were born. A celebration as much for them as for you, because anyone who knew you should consider it a true gift, one of the finest!
During your last days on this earth, the days you and I got to have a conversation, at least with me talking and you listening (as you were on the ventilator and couldn't speak with it), I mentioned to you what a treasure you were to me, and what a gift it was to have a Mom like you. I still mean that. You're one of the greatest friends I've ever had, and I'm blessed to call you Mom.
So, this day, your birthday, even though you're no longer on this Earth, I'll celebrate you. I'll take you flowers, I'll whisper Happy Birthday to you, I'll look at pictures of days gone by, and I'll remember. I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!
[Members: View All of the Photos from This Post!]
0 comments